I haven't posted for a while because quite honestly, there hasn't been any updates. A year ago I was gung-ho, full-steam-ahead ready to adopt a baby right then. (I have a tendency to get ahead of myself sometimes and jump in with both feet when I decide to do something....a trait, I am often reminded, I inherited from my father...It's a blessing and a curse.) I was ready for God to open doors and for a baby to show up on my doorstep the next day. Obviously that didn't happen. Things happened that forced me to push my plans to the back burner. Does that sound familiar? Maybe not to you, but I've learned in my 32 years that more times than not, God's plans don't line up with my time table. Like my "plan" to get married by 25 and have a couple kids by now...yeah, that hasn't worked out so far! But, God brings me back around and reminds me that His plan really is better than mine. All the time. Every time.
So I took a step back and realized that the timing wasn't right. When Stef had Charlie last June, the hole in my heart where a baby should be felt like it grew exponentially day by day. I was so captivated and in love with him immediately and saw the bond that they shared as mother and son. It only made my yearning stronger. I began asking God if adopting was the right option...was Haiti the place my baby would come from.....and God didn't give me any clear answers.
Honestly, He still hasn't given me any clear answers. This is what I know right now though. I got an email this morning from my social worker who helped me with the screening process last year and she has a woman looking for a home for her unborn baby. She asked for us to let her know if we knew anyone who was interested. My heart immediately felt like it was going to leap out of my body. The first thought in my head was, "What if this is my baby?" I immediately emailed back and also called and let her know that I was interested and would do whatever I needed to if this was the right situation. I called mom and a few of my closest friends/family and put out the request for folks to start praying for this woman, this baby, and this prospective mama. Responses began pouring in and I could immediately feel the prayers working on me. My nature is such that I get anxious and nervous easily. I felt twinges of excitement, anxiety, awe....but I began feeling incredibly peaceful -- something that I am convinced only comes from God.
12 hours later, here is where I stand. I don't know much more than I did this morning. This baby is an African American boy and is due Feb. 10. The birth mother is being given the adoption options. I don't know how many other parents/families are being offered to her along with me. I've had many thoughts today...wouldn't it be just like God to give me the complete opposite of what I thought was the perfect thing for me? And to drop it in my lap and remind me that His timing is perfect and He loves nothing more than to bless His children what exactly what we need, even if it's not what we thought we wanted. If this baby boy is meant to be my child, I have no doubt whatsoever that God will continue to open the doors and work this situation out. If this is not my child, I am reminded that HE is the one in control of this decision for my life and HE is the one who calls the shots - including who and when.
I am praying for this birth mother tonight as she is making very hard and life-changing decisions for herself and her unborn son. I am praying that God would give her wisdom and discernment to make the decision that is His will for this boy's life.
Wow -- what a day.....
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